EUTOUR Watch Review

“We met some problems and thank God we finally solved them,” EUTOUR’s hard-to-find, less-than-complete website admits, without specificity. “The quality now is firmest and best ever.” “Best ever” means better but not necessarily good. But let’s not quibble. Our review EUTOUR cost $35. Worth a flutter, as English gambling addicts say?

Let me start by saying I should have gone for one of the $80 Goebbels editions (one ball). The two-ball Silver Magnetic Watch Men Luxury Silicone Fashion Quartz Magnet Ball Relogio Masculino (as aliexpress.com describes it) has a weird affectation. The inner ball tracks the munites [sic] and the outer ball tracks the hours. That’s 1:45 above, not 9:10.

The illustration above should be in the dictionary under “counter-intuitive.” Truth be told, the numbered munite [sic] tracks surrounding the inner bezel had me completely fooled. Waiting for the outer ball to rotate, I thought the EUTOUR Bullseye (my name) was defective. I also thought the crenulated bezel would rotate, but this isn’t the first watch to pull that fast one.

Once you get used to this odd arrangement, the EUTOUR Bullseye offers glance-worthy legibility. Less credible: the claim that the watch is a great gift for the sight impaired. The indices stand proud, but the balls do not. Yes, I said it. And saying that, you can swipe the hour ball off position, roll it around a bit (by rotating your wrist) and watch the magnet grab it back into place. Fun!

How the magnets actually work – aside from magnetically – is anyone’s guess. As is the identity of the “high quality Swiss movement [that] will make the watch full of power.” As China’s Ueeshop built EUTOUR’s website, at least we know that ten-year-olds assemble the watches while their boss busies himself abusing the English language and solving some problems.

As you can see, the ever-so-European-sounding EUTOUR Bullseye’s outer moat sucks debris like a Maytag lint filter – to the point where the watch should share its packaging with some crafty Q Tips.

The EUTOUR’s plastic fantastic case – sitting on a bed of stainless steel – is attached to the same cheap ass woven steel bracelet found on the Mr Jones A Perfectly Useless Afternoon (and other MJW products).

But the bracelet’s easily adjusted and comfortable. And the flyweight EUTOUR (three ounces) has proven accurate [enough] and hasn’t broken or died since I started writing this review. More importantly, the EUTOUR’s circular design is trippy enough to bring a smile to a cash-strapped, horologically-inclined iconoclast.

If you like the cut of the EUTOUR’s duǎn bì (jib), the company’s selling two-ball varints in a four distinctive colors, using “the same anodized oxide aluminum plating technology used by the iPhone.” (Note: the Chevy Spark uses the same internal combustion technology as an AMG GT.) Judging from the picture, the EUTOUR went with the torture strap Seiko inflicts on buyers of its bright orange Automatic Dive Watch.

Yes, that’s a free bracelet (with secret CPC transponder). It comes with every EUTOUR. Maybe it’s a way for the “some problems” solving owners to apologize for whatever problems they solved.

I’m glad they did. The EUTOUR is a funky affordable timepiece that qualifies for the horophile’s One Weird Watch requirement. If you can set aside your anti-Chinese watch politics, the EUTOUR deserves a round of applause. So to speak.

Model: EUTOUR somethingorother
Price: $35.99 from aliexpress.com (no commission on link)

SPECIFICATIONS:

Case: Stainless steel caseback, plastic case
Diameter: 40mm
Thickness: 11mm
Weight: 3 ozs.
Clasp: woven stainless steel, steel clasp
Movement: unknown Swiss quartz
Functions: Hours, munites (minutes)
Water resistance: None
Illumination: None

RATINGS (out of five stars):

Design * * * * 
A clever, entertaining design that’s a lot more than somewhat practical.

Legibility * * *
The balls are backwards. (There’s your trouble!) The outside ball tracks hours, the inside ball indicates minutes. Once you get used to it, it works perfectly. But can you?

Comfort * * * * *
At only 3ozs., attached by a lightweight woven mesh steel bracelet, the EUTOUR feels like nothing much, in a good way.

Overall * * * *
The EUTOUR is an inexpensive horological frippery that’s useful and funky fresh. Star deducted for Chinese manufacture – the country’s working conditions are abominable.