Apple Watch – Why You Need One

When the Apple Watch debuted, I spent years in denial. I’m not gonna sacrifice my babies on the altar of wrist-borne computing! For what? And then I bought one. Here are three ways the Apple Watch makes itself indispensable . . .

Apple Gets You Off Your Ass

If you’ve been stationary for 50 minutes straight (LGTQ-whatever), your Apple Watch shock collar is about to remind you to get up and move around. And then it’ll say “good dog!” when you’re done.

I know what you’re thinking: I’ll turn off the buzzer or disable the app and keep on slothing. No you won’t. Your AW isn’t telling you to go for a run or eat cottage cheese. It’s telling you to stand up.

That simple change, that moment of Apple Watch-inspired self-levitation, puts you on the road to physical fitness. Either that or gives you an excuse to get some caffeine, nicotine or sugar to power through your sedentary torpor. Brilliant!

The Apple Watch Tells You When to Turn

Millennials have no clue how hard it was to maintain a relationship pre-sat nav. So many couples failed over in-car directions-related “debates” that therapists created map reading role-play exercises. Once GPS became a car then phone thing, a new problem arose: information overload.

Today’s smartphones and infotainment systems do their best to stop you from suing them for distracted driving. Even with jumbo on-screen arrows, muted audio and spoken instructions, knowing exactly when to turn is a challenge – what with traffic, clamoring kids, a yakking S.O. and not knowing how far 400 feet is exactly.

The AW buzzes your wrist when it’s time to turn. The buzz rate varies for a left or a right turn. No more three-lane-Charlies, risking life and limb to get to that GD highway exit. Safety enhanced! First world problem solved! Try that with your TAG Heuer. But not while driving.  

The Apple Watch Saves Your Life (At Least In Theory)

Your traditional watch is a triumph of human ingenuity and artistic excellence. A peerless example of mechanical moxie and a proud reflection of your personal taste. But . .  wear an Apple wrist computer and don’t die.

Apple Watch saves 79-year-old Texas man’s life  The Hindustan Times reports. Teen says Apple Watch saved his life after heart rate spike news.yahoo yodels. Let’s face it: death sells. Both news and Apple Watches. And again, you don’t want to die.

The Apple Watch self-preservation factor isn’t just about heart conditions.

Let’s say you’re in a car crash. Your phone is unreachable. Witnesses are busy videoing you for social media. Press and hold the AW’s recessed side button, confirm your distress, et voilà! You’ve summoned an ambulance, firetruck, police and personal injury lawyer from the comfort of your mangled automobile.

[I know: the Breitling EXOSPACE B55 has an SOS function. For $8,685. It’s a one-time deal and it doesn’t tell you to get you off your ass or when to turn for an In-N-Out Burger. Nor does the Brietling store your medical information so that the ER doc knows you’re allergic to cats.]

The Apple Watch’s emergency alert is just one of three things it can do that a traditional timepiece can’t that you you can’t live without. Unless you like to live dangerously. Fabulously, but dangerously.