Everyone Needs One Weird Watch

Nubeo Satellite Automatic Pioneer Black – $1500

This is, indeed, one weird watch. Here’s how it works: “Two wandering hour marker ‘satellites’ rotate in orbit across the dial face. A complex jigsaw of gears, wheel and precision-engineered parts culminates in the journey of each satellite. As they do, the correct hour aligns with the semi-circular minute calibrations. Where the satellite and minute hand meet, the present time comes together.” Got it? Me neither. Moving on . . .

Halograph II Automatic – $500

“The Halograph II Automatic features Xeric’s innovative signature display and halo hands which float over the arcs to encircle the time,” watches.com’s ad copy explains. “The inner arcs display the hours and the outer arcs display the minutes. The time can easily be read through the two halo hands. As the halo reaches the end of its track, a new halo appears on the opposite side, similar to a retrograde display.

“Two secondary displays were integrated into the movement grille. The day/night window on the left displays your current position relative to the sun. The window on the right is a running second display. These features are printed on transparent discs for an unobstructed view of the large open balance wheel.”

That I can read – with my monocle! I bet someone’s prepared to bet $500 that their Halograph II will earn someone’s admiration. Not me, but what do I know? Aside from what makes an elegant watch design. Hint: this isn’t it. But here’s another weird watch that is . . .

Mr. Jones Watches The Accurate – $213

“This is the most accurate wristwatch you can buy,” Mr. Jones jokes in their sales pitch for The Accurate. “The hour hand reads ‘remember’, the minute hand ‘you will die’. The dial and rim of the glass are mirrored, so the wearer is reflected in the watch face (so there is no ambiguity about who the message is aimed at!).

“The Accurate is a link to the tradition of the memento mori – an object designed to remind us that life is brief and that we should seize the moment while we are here. The design is also a play on the notion of accuracy in time keeping – this watch is accurate in a rather more fundamental sense than the traditional horological measures…”

None of these watches are for horophiles interested in “traditional horological measures.” But, as Fleetwood Mac reminded Boomers back in the day, you can go your own way. All it takes is money and a willingness to say, “O.K., let me explain . . .”