Rolex Dealers – Don’t Say This to Them!

Rolex dealers are in an enviable position. They’re selling a product whose demand far exceeds supply. Saying that, I wouldn’t want to be a Rolex dealer right now . . .

As a drug dealer once told me, junkies are a pain in the ass. (Truth be told, I took it personally.) Can you imagine dealing with all those customers clamoring for a taste of that sweet Swiss horology? Some of them must be real d bags.

On the flip side, some Authorized Dealers (AD’s) have let their power go to their head. You might say they’ve become imperious assholes, but I couldn’t possibly comment. But I can help reduce the miscommunication between aspiring Rollie owners and the men and women charged with satisfying their compulsion.

Here are some things a Rolex customer should never say to an AD:

Where’s the best place to sell this (wink wink)?

Rolex’s Authorized Dealers (AD’s) hate flippers – people who buy a Rolex to sell it elsewhere at a profit (unless it’s them). If the corporate mothership finds out – and Switzerland’s operatives peruse re-sellers – the customer can be blacklisted and the AD reprimanded. Punished even.

Ostensibly. I’ve heard tell of Rolex dealers cutting deals with customers to receive a kickback on the sale of a coveted watch on the gray market. There are rumors – rumors I tell you – that Rolex turns a blind eye to clever flippers. I discount these stories, of course. Pretty much the same way Rolex discounts watches. Speaking of which . . .

Can it be any cheaper?

No it can’t you dumb f*ck. (Not in so many words. Look for an arched eyebrow, eyeroll and sigh.) AD’s like to sell to whales – people with a lot of money who don’t ask for discounts who know people with a lot of money who don’t ask for discounts.

Customers likely to both precede and proceed by buying a large amount of watches/jewelry before and after scoring a steel Daytona or suchlike. And, preferably, customers who wear the Rollie to advertise the AD’s magnanimity. 

Is the warranty transferable?

Our friends at awatchblogtoboreyoutodeath say yes! “If you buy a Rolex Submariner with a valid five-year warranty, and then decide to sell the watch three years later to a new owner, then that second owner would have two remaining years left on the warranty.”

If the resale occurs in less than say, a year, the second the second owner transfers the warranty Rolex will know the original buyer is a flipper. The dealer too. As mentioned, that may not work out well for either.

Have you guys ever thought about making a smart watch?

When you’re sitting in the catbird seat, horologically speaking, you get to choose to whom you sell your wares.

Being posh and all, Rolex dealers don’t like to do business with what Jonathan Swift and my mother called Yahoos (before the internet service of the same name was  born).

I don’t get what’s so special about this watch

See: above. Caveat: if you buy a sh*t ton of stuff from the AD, they tend not to care how much of a watchnoarmus you are.

Can I think about it?

“I’ve got good news!” the Rolex dealer will announce (theoretically), “you’re watch has arrived!” The AD will expect you to greet the arrival of a Swiss watch like the Second Coming.

If you don’t share your credit card deets or rush right down to the dealer with cash, credit card or gold bullion the moment you get “the call,” if you request some thinking time, you’ll be SOL faster than an Indy driver heading for the wall at 227 mph.

Remember: Rolex AD’s believe they’re doing you a favor. Hesitating to accept their noblesse oblige – preferably on bended knee – is a cardinal sin. You will be dead to them.

You know what? It’s not as great as I thought it was.

It’s no skin off the AD’s nose if you don’t buy a Rollie. If you turn down your chance to buy a Rolex, the dealer knows they’re going to make someone else happy/indebted the instant you leave/hang up. Even so, you’ve wasted their time.

Oh sure, they’ve got lots of time. But when you’re the King (crown and all), you don’t have any time to suffer fools (unless they’re whales). That’s doubly true if a deeply misguided idiot starts debating the relative merits of a Rolex alternative (that they don’t stock). Again, passing on Rolex’s timekeeping manna makes you persona non grata for all eternity.

There may come a day when Rolex dealers are hurting for customers, when they drop their sickening sense of self-importance. That day is a long way off. So be careful what you say to Rolex dealers. Or buy a gray market or pre-owned Rolex and avoid to pompous circumstance.